Nothing More Than Feelings

I was re-reading past entries today and it struck me what a roller coaster that this all has been.

The "should we or shouldn't we" stage where we considered what it would consist of for us to adopt. Period. Learning about possible special needs and how it would be to live with them. How overwhelming those seemed.

The waiting. The busting hump to get paperwork finished, sealed, sent. Worrying if it would be approved.

The advice. Well-meaning. Annoying when you don't want to hear it. Coming from a variety of sources. Tuning my ears to hear The Truth. I am a positive person. A can-do person, so I tried to gather a good support group of a few people who were the same way. They have been my sanity. There are a lot of people who seem to relish negative drama. And are bursting at the seams to share that with you. I had to come to a place where I could distance myself from that kind of negativity. I literally met a woman who told me that adoption was the hardest thing that she had ever done and that she never thought that she would want to kill a child, but that was how she felt every night when she would tuck her adopted son into bed. I was horrified and couldn't imagine feeling that way. Ever. And you know what? I haven't.

The traveling. So wonderful. So difficult. Because not only was I away from my comfort zone, but I was doing something decidedly difficult. So blessed with new friends, who I now miss.

The homecoming. The "Oh no! What have we done? Will things ever be good again?"

The becoming. The becoming of a family. The becoming of a child from a survivor to a thriver. The cost that this process exacts from all who come in contact. The rewards it brings.

And throughout all of this The Emotions. The thrill. The anguish. The faith. The laughter. The tears. This, Dear Readers, is LIFE. The "more abundant" kind.

Here is to a great week. A week of more highs than lows. A week to grow in confidence. A week to listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance. A week to fight the demons. And a week to love.

Amen.