Seven months ago this moment I was hurtling through the air via Mother Russia's finest, on my way home with a scared, sleepless child.
The trip home was a trip. Oh my.
The early days were so hard. Something to battle through. Capital "W" work.
And we did it.
We overcame so many of those institutional behaviors. We fought those battles. We struggled through and triumphed in countless areas.
So now, seven months later, we begin to unpack.
Driving down the road and hearing sobs from the back seat. And it is Daniel. And his heart is breaking. Breaking for what should have been but wasn't? Breaking for his friends? Who knows. I ask him what is wrong and he starts rambling about monsters and Baba Yaga.
Walking him to Sunday school. Tears erupting as he walks down the stairs.
You see, I heard that this was the truth, but didn't foresee it with my happy-go-lucky Peter Pan.
Grief.
He doesn't want to go back. He is scared of going back.
Stories about certain nannies have started to morph into something a little more sinister.
Behaviors are easy compared to this (although I wouldn't wish to go through all of that again). Behaviors make you tired. Make you crazy. Make you creative when you are trying to figure out how to overcome them.
Grief...not so easy.
Those bad things that happen? To all of us? If we don't get rid of them, we tend to bury them, and then something grows. And if we don't pull that weed, it can choke us.
Pulling weeds is hard.
Seeing my happy boy crying hurt is hard.
Oh Crystal....I feel your pain. Yikealo started grieving around 6 months home (which would have been the anniversary of when he was relinquished). It only lasted a few days, but we go through it again every year around the same time. Their brains remember deeply buried things that they may not even consciously be able to name. It is so hard....and it never really gets easier....but at least they have us to walk beside them now through it. We always try to tell our boys that grieving is okay....that they never should have had to go through the things that they did....but that we will be glad to hold them, cry with them, and love them through the hard times. Praying for you.
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