Secrets are how I have come to refer to the awful stories of his past.
I know that I have made posts about this sort of subject before, but it floors me every time.
I mean, look at Daniel…
You would never know.
The memories that camp out in his brain. The awful, despicable treatment he received at the hands of "caretakers."
I am talking "A Child Called It" kind of stuff.
I have, personally, never felt too much anger or contempt for the people who were in his life prior to us showing up, but after last night's story… Ugh. Help me, Jesus.
But then I remember that Jesus was angry too. Righteous anger. And so maybe my anger isn't wrong.
I sat on my bed last night. Trying. Trying to let go of the emotions that Daniel's tale had evoked.
Thoughts of "If only…" plagued my mind. But I believe and know that we got Daniel in God's time.
Why God????
I don't really have a tidy way to wrap this post up, as I set here with tears running down my cheeks.
I think of all the people who KNEW what was going on. I think of all the family that didn't step forward to care for him. I don't know any of them, but a child isn't born in a vacuum. Even if a mom can't care for him.
How do you teach a child worth? We try day by day. And he fits in so well. But he will always know that he was systematically neglected, abused. And I don't have a beautiful thing to say to bring closure and explanation for that. Because it is sin. Sin in its darkest, tarriest, most demon-filled form.
And why does he tell me? What stops him from sharing with Garth?
I am glad that he can share. And I never want to shut him down. And I suppose there is a dubious honor to being the Keeper.
People, I have heard two Secrets this summer (since June) and both have WRECKED me. And to know that my baby has those and more to share. If just one of these things had happened to me it would have been the worst event in my life.
That is all.
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