Obligatory Educational Post

This is something that has been brewing for a long time. Kind of a PSA for adopting families, if you will.

What you need to know about your first meeting with your child:

(Some of this is very individual, but some is pretty common, so beware)

Our first meeting with Daniel was not all hearts and rainbows. It was very intimidating.

The paperwork from the SDA labeled him "retarded" and "imbecile." Over and over again our facilitator told me (with her Ukrainian accent) "He has problems, Crystal, I can tell you this. He has lots of problems." 

Daniel came into the office and I didn't hear music and bells and see confetti fall. Quite the opposite. I felt ill. My vision was greying out and my stomach was full of bats. Not butterflies.

All of those questions reared their heads, "How can this child fit in?" "How will this ever work?"

I wanted to run. 

But I made myself sit there. And smile. And say the right things.

And after ten minutes of him being asked to perform (which he didn't do well), he was ushered out and we were asked whether we wanted him or not.

I am so thankful that Garth was with me. Because I couldn't get the words out. Garth had to say the "yes."

We got back to our hotel and I thought my heart was breaking. I wanted to die. It seemed like too much.

I am sharing this, because I want you to know that I realized something about a month after I got home: that the devil was preying on my mind in that room, in that moment. 

For all the amazing things that God had done to give Daniel a family and to get him out of there, Satan was not going to sit idly by.

KNOW THIS, Adopting Parents, it is scary. It is huge. It is overwhelming. But God is holding it.

That picture that you fell in love with? That you found while browsing a website, or were forwarded by an advocate, or were assigned by your agency, or picked out of a three ring binder: that face? It is a life. A life that has been through crazy pain and yet also experienced unexpected beauty. (Never discount the beauty). That picture is not who that child is. Who you have built your child to be in your mind? It's a dream. The quicker you wake up and love reality, the happier you all will be.

And if you can't? Walk away now. Don't bring home a child that you will resent. Don't hold "rehoming" them as an alternative.

Nearly eleven months later, I can say, Daniel is exactly where he is supposed to be. 

And those awful labels? Lies. But even if they were true, would he be any less deserving of a family?

Children, like Sasha Pastov who, in Ukraine, are written off and institutionalized, here would be in a special ed classroom, down the hall from your other kids, and would be happy and productive and a blessing. 

But never underestimate the God factor. He is Healer. He is Mender. He is Counselor. 

He is Redeemer.

On earth as it is in heaven, friends.