An Open Letter To The Me Of One Year Ago

Dear Crystal of August 2013 (and parents in the thick of it everywhere),

You look like... um, well we won't go there, Sweetie. Go take a shower after you are done reading this.

I know things are really hard right now. I know you are more tired than you have ever been in your entire life. I know all those negative things that people told you would happen, seem like they are happening. And all of that makes you want to crawl into a hole.

I know this may seem unbelievable, but it will get better. It may sound trite, but it is truth.

And the "getting better" will be more than just "getting used to it."

I know you feel like you can't go anywhere because everyone will stare and judge. Here is a secret, one that it has taken me until just about now to understand: the way you worry about things and apologize for everything makes people look and judge that much more. People do not care about you and your crazy kids nearly as much as you think they do. And if you feel judged because, in the past, you have judged others, well sister, that is called karma.

Let it go.

Look around you! I know it seems like everyone else has it together. They don't. I promise. And there is someone, somewhere, who thinks you have it all together, too, and we all know that is a laugh.

Give yourself grace. God has. Why are you withholding something from yourself that God has freely poured out? Don't be stingy with yourself.

I know there is all sorts of "wretched me" rhetoric. Don't buy it. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made. The spark of the Divine is in YOU! Just as it is in the Tasmanian devil of a kid you brought home with you. And in the mother who gives you the stink-eye at the zoo because your kid splashed her kid. And while we are at it, I suppose it is in those terrors at church who beat your kid up. 

Capisci?

You are great at doing things and in your self-supposed aptitude you have taken God off the throne. You feel like He is not efficient enough for you. Not sufficient enough for you.

A friend will point this out to you, and you will struggle to figure out how to let God take control. Trust me. You are over-thinking this. It is ridiculously simple: Stop. Stop feeling like the earth is crashing down when things don't go according to your plan. Stop taking responsibility for other people's actions. You can only facilitate so much. You can only teach so much. Ultimately your kids will have to show what they are made of. (And a kid with a helicopter parent is often disliked on principle).

You can't fix everything. You can try. You will try. And some of it will stick. Celebrate what sticks. And stop bashing your head against the wall when it doesn't.

Drink more water. 

Do more yoga. Learning to meditate and commune with God despite the noise is a holy, powerful skill that will bring you more peace than having everything perfectly quiet.

You will grow. You will become more beautiful. More special. More strong. More fabulous. 

More fierce.

You will learn to be shaped instead of broken.

Now, I know I told you to take a shower, but before you do that, jump up and down a few times. Get the blood flowing. Turn on the keurig so it is ready to go once you are done in the bathroom.

Breathe.

One Year Today!

Enjoy, Dear Readers! Thanks for sticking with us. And for your love and prayers.

I Am Only One

“I am only one. 

But still, I am one. 

I cannot do everything, 

but still I can do something. 

And because I cannot do everything, 

I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” 

― Edward Everett

In February I wrote a post about a great book that I read called "Infinitely More" by Alex Krutov. What I didn't talk about on here was "the rest of the story." 

I absolutely loved, loved, loved the book. It was incredibly moving. 

I come across as being a rather impulsive person, but I kind of like to think of it as just being receptive to go where the Spirit leads. At the drop of a hat.

I found Alex on Facebook and invited him to stay with us. At our house. (Hey, what's another?!)

He agreed.

(I didn't talk a lot about it because people think I am crazy. For example, we have two people living here right now who literally came to our door selling something and I offered them a room. Yep. I told my sister and she thought I was joking. Nope.)

So, in May, Alex came.

Have you ever met someone that your soul knew? That is how I felt about Alex. Like we understood each other beyond words. I think part of the feeling was a result of Alex's uncanny ability to connect with people, but I think a larger part is the fact we had a divine appointment to be friends.

Alex's story is amazing. 

Thrown away at just a few days old. 

Grew up in the Russian state system and on the streets. 

Threw away opportunities. 

But all the while God was writing His name on Alex's heart, just as surely as Alex's name was written on His hand. Preparing Alex to be His. To hear His call.

One of the big calls on Alex's life was to start The Harbor. 

The Harbor is a program/ministry that Russian orphans can participate in once they have been emancipated from the state system. The Harbor places orphans in residential family-style communities, gives them an education, and teaches them skills necessary to maintain a home and thrive in Russian society.

To help maintain and support the ministry of The Harbor, Alex travels back and forth. Three months in the U.S., then three months in Saint Petersburg, Russia. Back and forth. He runs himself into the ground. Giving and giving. Cooking. Preaching. Consulting. Counseling. Loving. Playing. Praying. Challenging.

This list is making me tired. But that IS HIS LIFE. He spends his own dime to do all of this.

And I think that when people meet him they can't help but feel like he is so good at what he does and The Harbor is reaching so many people, that any help that they can give is rather insignificant in the scheme of things.

Wrong.

See, the thing is, Alex doesn't like to ask for money. He likes to give more than receive any day of the week. He trusts the Holy Spirit to lead people to give. And often many people have the best of intentions, but life gets in the way. Churches need new roofs and so The Harbor support gets cut. Or any number of reasons. Lots of them really legitimate, but it hurts the bottom line.

I asked him specifically what the need for The Harbor was and why. Here was his response:

Dear Crystal. It was good to talk to you the other day. Our current monthly deficit is around $3,000 so that means that every month we are forced to dip into our rainy day fund thus it gets constantly depleted. If our situation does not improve then we will face some major challenges. Thank you so much for willing to spread the word. Here is what we need in order to close the deficit. If we could find 60 families at $50 per month or 30 families at $100 per month for 2 years commitment. The deficit has always existed and at the end of the year it has always balanced out. Yes, the growth of the Harbor has definitely in the play here also. Yes, some shifting the Harbor to another organization, but most of it is actually due to financial struggles that people have and simply stop supporting us without even telling us. Once again thank you so much for willing to help us out. This is a huge help. Blessings.

I can only think that people don't realize what the situation is. They see all the successes and don't understand that they can help propel things. I am very honored to be a part, even though it is small, of the mission at The Harbor. I am proud to stand with my friend and brother in Christ who is living out God's will for his life in this moment, serving in St. Petersburg.

$100 a month is fabulous. $50 is great. Any amount is a blessing. Any amount that you can give makes a difference and helps whittle down the deficit. You can choose to make a one time gift, or give monthly (monthly is the best!!!!). Just make sure when you sign up that you check the monthly box. (I almost missed it!)

Please prayerfully consider making a difference in countless lives by supporting The Harbor.

And share this post like crazy!